Family time in Vancouver

After spending two weeks in Toronto, my uncle and I went to Vancouver to visit my aunt and her husband. My aunt and I have always been close and she's like a second mother to me. No matter the time or where I could always turn to her in times of sadness and for advice. Her husband has always been an extremely loving and selfless person who I admire and look up to immensely. It's always a wonderful time when we are all together. 

This holiday with her came at a delicate moment in the family's lives as we all struggled to cope with the loss of Vinayak just 6 months before and during my grandmother's battle with cancer. I was happy that my uncle had this chance to have a vacation with her too since this was his first international trip. 

It lifted me out of my mental state of depression. I don't think I had ever admitted to anyone exactly how devastated I was left from Vinayak's loss. I had days I would just get home from school, change and lay in bed with my iPod and listen to music without eating or drinking much. At one point I became sick and my mother had rushed me to a doctor. I ended up developing stomach issues.

I had stopped reading books which was my most loved thing to do. Before I used to read a book in about a day or two, I always used to get in trouble for reading during classes and during recess I would've been deep into a book. After Vinayak's death I just lost all motivation for anything. He was our joy and source of happiness and even though he was going through chemotherapy and had lost his hair, he was the most cutest kid I had ever known. His smile could've lit up the entire room.

I had days when I hated god and wished I could dream Vinyak just to have some kind of sign from him that he is happy wherever he is and our sweet baby still remembers us. Wishful thinking..... but I had to remind myself that it would be selfish to still want him here on this earth where he was suffering and in pain. 

I remembered all the days we had to hold him still while up to 50 needles pierced his arms and legs for a vein for an IV as he screamed in tears. As much as I grieved for him, he was in a better place with his father, my dad, his two uncles and his grandfather. I had to be strong for my family around me and for my own sanity.

In Toronto I was doing alright but to face my aunt weighed heavily on my mind. This holiday with my aunt was a way for me to heal myself. My heart was barely holding together and my mind urged me to carry on and be the pillar of strength that my mother needed. I knew it would be difficult to look at my aunt and not think of my family back home but I had to. I was blessed to still be alive and I told myself I have to live to the fullest and carry on Vinayak, my dad and my uncle's memories.