Preparing for Toronto

After my trip to Vancouver, 8 years later I went on my second international trip to Toronto in August of 2012. So much had happened within those years. My family had the deaths of two of my mother's brother Ramdath and Seudath. Seudath's son Vinayak ,the youngest member of our family, also passed away from cancer on Valentine's Day morning. He had just celebrated his 4th birthday two weeks earlier. Just days before Vinayak's death, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.
                              
On the outside I had to smile at school, keep up with assignments and be strong to support my mother and help my grandmother. On the inside... I was screaming. I was desperate for an end to the sadness. I was depressed and lost any motivation to live. It was too much to bear at just 17. My school work reflected my current state and my teachers asked me to visit the school counselor.
Ironically the counselor was a waste. I had to explain everything to her and how I felt about it all. I had to tell this woman about my relatives' deaths while she just scribbled away on a notepad and mumbled things. I had to tell her and relive the moment I learnt of Vinayak's death while at school. I remember screaming so loud the entire block heard me. All the air was sucked out of my lungs. His death left me in a dark deep hole. 
My grandmother had tried to delay her chemotherapy to attend her nephew's wedding in Toronto and I was to accompany her on the trip as well as my uncle and his wife. As the trip neared, my grandmother's pain intensified and she had to receive chemotherapy immediately. We cancelled her ticket and focused on her getting better before re-booking. At 17 I was limited to how much I could do. I would accompany my grandmother on her hospital trips and stay with her as my uncle signed any paperwork and consulted with the doctors.
                              
The anticipation of the trip distracted me from negative thoughts about my grandmother. I began to feel some excitement and enthusiasm again. I packed my suitcases and counted down the days till I would once more escape reality at home.